In Which I Take Over the World
by scrambled-eggs-at-midnight
Summary: A teenage criminal mastermind's account of how he steals a boat, controls people's actions, takes on a five-thousand-year-old Egyptian Pharaoh, and contemplates snack foods. It would all be much easier if his minions were at all competent.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm currently typing this in Florida. :D It's quite lovely here.**

**So, this has been floating around in my head for a while, and I finally decided to post it. I can't say when this will be updated, but I'll figure something out.**

**This is unapologetically cracky. I regret nothing.**

**Thank you very much to HereWeGoOnceMore for all of the beta work. **

Entry 1

Today, I decided that I am going to travel across the globe to conquer the world and get revenge on a dead Pharaoh using a card game and an ancient Egyptian mind-controlling artifact.

...That sounded way better in my head.

-

Revenge: The Journal (Which is So Not a Diary) of a Teenaged Criminal Mastermind on His Quest for Supreme Domination

Also Known As: A Recording of Events That are Actually so Much Cooler Than They Sound

Previously Known As: Why the Hell is This My Life?

By Malik Ishtar

-

Entry 2

Never, ever pick "huge-ass boat" as your method of transportation on your world domination quest. Go for a nice jet. Or maybe a magic carpet.

Just don't pick boat.

Shit. I think I'm going to be—

Dammit.

-

Entry 3

Seasickness has passed. Mostly. Anyway, I am Malik Ishtar, bearer of the Millennium Rod and heir to the line of Tomb Keepers.

... Which is something I probably shouldn't be writing down in a very readable book.

Damn un-erasable pen.

I am sixteen years old. Really. And you can just shut up about it, because how many teenagers do YOU know of who can steal a fucking boat and not even get caught?

... Probably not very many, since you're a book.

I need to find myself some friends. Preferably ones that I don't have to mentally enslave.

Entry 4

Finding time to write is hard when you're trying to take over the world. Today, for example, I spent three hours testing copies of my Indestructible God Card of Doom (tm).

It... didn't go so well.

My wood floor is ruined. As are my shoes.

Maybe the copy machine is broken.

Entry 5

The problem was not the copier, although it IS broken and tried to eat my cape. Seriously. There is now a giant hole, and the machine is smoking rather  
>ominously.<p>

The problem, it turns out, is the bitch of a god apparently living in the god card.

You'd think I would have figured that out sooner.

Also, my floor is still covered in brain gook. FML.

Entry 6

Still testing IGCoD(tm). It went a little more smoothly today. Even better, we got the copier fixed. I am now free to continue to duplicate my employees' bank information.

What? Being a child prodigy does not actually pay as well as one might think.

Anyway, they're mind-slaves. They're not exactly in need of cash.

Entry 7

Been at sea for about a week now. Starting to get reeeaallly sick of the color blue.

Entry 8

They washed my white shirts with the purple cape today. Seriously, you give a mind-slave one simple task...

Also, the copy machine's broken again. Someone stuck a potato in it.

I swear, nothing works on this ship.

Entry 9

Today, Odion heard me bitching out one of the mind-slaves for the Potato Incident (really, just because the thing is on fire does not mean it's your personal stove) and got upset. He told me that I need to stop calling them mind-slaves. Apparently, it's "demoralizing."

I never should have let him read those psychology books. He's started hanging up motivational posters all over my boat.

"To get where you're going, start where you're at!"

Does that make any sense at all? I started where I started, which, I'll have you know, was not a fully-furnished boat. It was a hole. I mean, seriously. Not just like, "Oh, man, I hate my house, it's such a shithole." I mean, I literally grew up in a hole in the ground.

It sucked.

And:

"Appearance is everything: dress for success!"

I don't even know where he got that one. Floor-length purple robes are perfectly acceptable outfits.

Oops. Someone's stuck in the copy machine again. So THAT's why it keeps smoking...

Entry 10

Odion confronted me about the whole mind-slave thing again. I'm supposed to be brainstorming new names for my co-workers. I'm thinking "Zombie Interns." Or "Republicans."

Entry 11

Odion rejected my name ideas. He also vetoed:

Bitches

Lackeys

Gophers

Purple Raiders

And Super Sexy Egyptian Gods of DOOM.

That man has no creativity, I tell you.

Entry 12

We finally decided on a name. My mind-slaves are now officially the Rare Hunters. You know. Because we… hunt…. For… rare cards. And... stuff.

...I like Super Sexy Egyptian Gods of DOOM better.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you all very much for your reviews. :3 You make me smile like a crazy person. Thank you also to HereWeGoOnceMore for putting up with me and my crack.**

Entry 13

Laaaaand. Where did you go? I miss you. Come back.

Entry 14

I'm going absolutely insane here. If I see one more bloody dolphin I'm going to scream.

Entry 15

Roses are red

The ocean is blue

I'm about to kill someone

And it just might be you

Someone please get me the fuck off of this Ra-forsaken boat before I flip a bitch and start murdering mind-sl—Rare Hunters.

Actually, that might be a pretty good stress reliever.

Where's my machete?

Entry 16

We are currently passing rocks. Rocks! I am almost crying over seeing something that isn't ocean, rain, or more ocean.

Who would have ever thought that pointy boulders could be so attractive?

Dammit. The rocks are behind us now. Oh well. It never would have worked out between us.

I miss them already.

Entry 17

Once upon a time, there was a boy. This boy had a brother and a sister and a douche of a dad. One day, he decided that he was sick of being controlled by some dumb-ass prophecy and set out to do shit his own way. This was all well and good, but the moral of the story?

He should have taken a plane.

Entry 18

Finally, finally, FINALLY, we stopped for supplies on some island in the middle  
>of Nowhere, population Nobody I Care About. I shall never again take sand for granted.<p>

Also, watched Star Wars: Episode Two today. That Anakin guy doesn't know what he's missing.

Entry 19

While we were on the island, Odion started helping the mind-sl  
>"Rare Hunters" organize a union.<p>

What the hell happened to good old mindless loyal obedience?

At least I can still get them to do my shopping. I need a new cape.

Entry 20

I had a talk with Odion today. I had to very kindly explain why I couldn't afford to have a bunch of self-aware mind-sla  
>Rare Hunters running around. Really, though: how am I supposed to work with zombies who have benefits? This is clearly not a democracy, people.<p>

Odion got slightly annoyed, but gave in when I smacked him upside the head with my Rod.

Power is a wonderful thing.

Entry 21

I feel kind of bad about how harsh I was to Odion. Maybe I should get him a gift...

Entry 22

If I were a tall, bald, stoic older brother-figure/henchman, what would I want...?

Entry 23

Gifts for Odion:

...

I don't know. I've got nothing.

WHY ARE OLDER BROTHERS SO HARD TO SHOP FOR?

Entry 24

We're leaving Random Island: Version 2.0 today. If I'm going to get Odion a gift, I'm going to have to act fast.

Entry 25

I got him socks.

They're purple.

I'm such a genius.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you thank you thank you for all of your reviews/favorites/subscriptions. God, you make me feel happy enough to shit rainbows. :D**

**So, this is the last chapter that I have written so far. Hopefully this won't actually be a bad thing.**

**Also: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMERICA!**

* * *

><p>Entry 26<p>

So, Titanic is officially the worst movie to watch on a boat ever.

Ever.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go patch up any holes I find with duct tape.

Entry 27

I wonder how I would look with Leonardo DiCaprio's haircut...

Entry 28

Okay, so I just realized that these last few entries have been exceedingly LAME. Oh, the burden of being the ultimate master of a bunch of mindless drones. It sucks up all your time.

All right. Something awesome.

Um.

I beat my high score on Tetris.

Um...

... I'M SORRY THAT THERE'S NOTHING INTERESTING GOING DOWN ON THIS LAME-ASS BOAT.

Oh, found a quarter in one of the Rare Hunters' pockets today.

Finders keepers~

Entry 29

You know, it's kind of weird. I suddenly have this unexplainable urge to go on a killing spree and eat too much mayonnaise.

I don't even like mayonnaise.

Entry 30

I am feeling very disoriented lately. I keep waking up in places that I definitely did not go to sleep in. Like the broom closet. Or Rare Hunter No. 8's room.

Urgh.

Entry 31

Fuuuck my head hurts.

I feel like I'm going to

Entry 32

KILL THEM ALL KILL THEM ALL KILL THEM ALL KILL THEM ALL KILL THEM ALL KILL THEM ALL

Entry 33

Um. I definitely don't remember writing that last entry.

Someone needs to tell me what the fuck is going on before I get reeeaaally pissed.

I CAN TELL YOU.

HolyfuckingmotherofRa what was that!

Entry 34

Okay. Okay. Breathe. This is weird. Too fucking weird, even for my standards. Okay. Okay. Um.

So.

Apparently, the reason I have been waking up in random places/wanting to murder more people than usual/eating too much mayonnaise is that there is a slightly deranged voice in my head who swears that his sole desire is to help me in my quest to defeat the Pharaoh and take control of the world.

I think I can live with that.

Still doesn't explain the mayonnaise.

I LIKE MAYONNAISE.

Whoah! Okay, no! Not cool! If this is going to work out between us, we need to set some boundaries here. Like, no taking control of my body to go on a killing spree or make sandwiches without permission. Are we clear?

YES. FINE. DO I GET TV PRIVILEGES?

No.

DAMN.

I have recently realized that I lead a very fucked-up existence. Maybe I should get therapy.

YEAH, PROBABLY.

Entry 35

Sharing a mind is not a picnic. It's very... crowded.

I really should have cleaned up in here.

Entry 36

I wonder if I should tell Odion about the voice in my head. I mean, I'm not really an expert on these things, but isn't that something you tell your family?

"Hello, Odion. I'd like you to meet my new roommate. He's going to help me murder someone. What? No, you can't see him. Why? Because he lives in my head!"

Maybe not.

Entry 37

I've decided against telling Odion about my new roomie. I think that it would cause unnecessary tension, and no one wants that.

Besides, I'm mad at him. He ate my Cheez-Its.

Now that I think about it, Cheez-Its really are deceptive little buggers. I mean, "real cheese" my ass. Cheese is not and has never been orange and powdery. That's false advertising right there.

And every time I write cheese now, I always want to spell it with a Z.

... That's it, I'm converting to Doritos. At least they aren't trying to be something they're not.

IS THIS COMING FROM THE DEEP-SEATED LACK OF SELF-WORTH THAT YOUR DAD INSTILLED IN YOU? BECAUSE THERE'S THERAPY FOR THAT. YOU COULD GO ON A KILLING SPREE. THAT ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL BETTER. YOU DON'T HAVE TO TURN TO FOOD.

Oh, shut up, you.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This has actually been done for a while, but I kept forgetting to post it. *shot* Seems that updates are going relatively well, though. Hurray! **

**Another thing I forgot: **_**anime-on-replay**_** wrote an awesome fic based on this one called "In Which Everything Is Under My Control," which is from Yami Bakura's point of view. Go read it!**

**Thank you to **_**HereWeGoOnceMore**_** for the beta, and thank you to all of you for continuing to read and review! :D**

**I think this chapter is stupider than usual... XD**

**Previously Forgotten Disclaimer: Disclaimed**

* * *

><p>Entry 38<p>

OMG LAND. LAAAAAND!

Entry 39

We have finally, finally, finally reached Japan. I am so happy I think that I could cry. I won't, since it would make my eyeliner run, but still. The sentiment is the same.

The Rare Hunters are pulling us into port as I write this.

Time to break out the celebratory Doritos, methinks.

Entry 40

By the time this is over, I'm going to be so fucking crazy, swear.

TOO LATE.

No one asked you. Anyway, when I stepped off the boat, I was so happy to be touching ACTUAL LAND that I threw my bag of Doritos up in the air to express my joy.

Big mistake.

Seagulls. Fucking seagulls everywhere. Damn things snatched the bag right out of the air! I didn't even know their mouths were that big. And since when does Japan even HAVE seagulls?

Also? Apparently, seagulls are big on sharing. As soon as they get a hold of something, they feel the need to alert all their little friends.

How can something that tiny have such big vocal cords?

God, I hate seagulls.

Entry 41

Waiting for Odion to unload my motorcycle. And this one seagull keeps. Watching. Me.

It's planning something, I swear. And I can't look away. It will attack me if I do, I just know it.

I THINK YOU'RE A LITTLE TOO PARANOID FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

Shut up and watch the damn bird.

Entry 42

YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK I'LL CALL HIM MARSHALL.

Brilliant.

Entry 43

Ha! Leaving this dock now, you stupid bird! Muahahaha! Victory is mine!

AWW. I'M GOING TO MISS HIM. CAN'T HE COME WITH US?

You know, you're really not doing a very good job of making me want to keep you around.

YOU SUCK.

Cry me a river.

Entry 44

I hate my life.

So, after Odion unloaded my bike, I happily drove off to scope out the city and try to find something to eat, since I no longer had my Doritos, thank you very much, you stupid birds, and you know what?

Guess. Just guess.

It followed me.

That same damn bird followed me around for three whole hours.

AWW. HE LIKES YOU!

This is all your fault.

HEY, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO FED HIM.

... Fuck.

Entry 45

Why did I decide to stay on the boat? I could have gotten a hotel. Or a box somewhere far, far away from anything resembling water.

Marshall's still here. He's eyeing my sandwich this time.

Why won't he just die already?

Oh no. I'm calling it by name. Now it's never going to leave.

I'm going to have to buy water-proof mascara.

Entry 46

Stupid  
>Evil<br>Abominable  
>Gross<br>Unsavory  
>Larcenous<br>Lazy  
>Seagulls!<p>

Entry 47

Oh, yeah. Learned that there's a Duel Monsters tournament or some shit going on.

Whatever. Too busy plotting seagull demise to care.

Entry 48

Shopping List:

Duel Disk

Shotgun (for seagulls)

Doritos

... I think that about covers it.

Entry 49

Odion didn't bring me back a shotgun. He says it's too destructive.

I never get to do anything fun.

Got a Duel Disk, though. Going to practice on Rare Hunter No. 12. Maybe I'll go easy on him.

... Or maybe I'll use my IGCoD(tm) on him and laugh.

Who the fuck needs cable TV?

Entry 50

I know the shotgun thing didn't go over so well, but maybe I can talk Odion into ordering me a flame thrower. Victory will be mine, dammit.

Also, I watched Finding Nemo. I feel an extreme sense of validation at the pain of two hundred animated seagulls.

YOU REALLY NEED A HOBBY. LIKE STAMP COLLECTING. OR DOGFIGHTING.

How about politics?

THAT'S THE SPIRIT.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: No, I have no idea if there are seagulls in Japan. Creative license or something.**

**Just so you know, I'm about to bend canon continuity over the metaphorical timeline and fuck it up the ass.**

**(It's okay, canon said I could. Canon and I are cool like that.)**

**I'm going to try and keep this canon, but it's going to get confusing. Mostly for me. If I screw something up, just holler and I'll try and fix it.**

* * *

><p>Entry 51<p>

It's two-thirty in the morning and I can't sleep because there's a fucking seagull outside my window.

Uugghhh.

I should probably work on my world domination plan. But meh.

You know, the one time I'm bored enough to actually WANT to listen to meddling voices, they disappear.

Typical.

Entry 52

Three hours later and all I can see are Tetris blocks. I think my brain has officially turned to mush.

Fuck, that would be cool.

Entry 53

Okay, time to be productive. Hm.

All right. Sending out mind-slave No. 31 tomorrow to trick Yugi Moto into dueling me. Him. Whatever. Plan is to get the kid to lose and give up his Puzzle. Obviously.

On that note, would someone please tell me who the fuck decided that I can only get this thing's power if I win it through a damned card game? That is just... I don't even. So annoying.

That's why someone else should be in charge here. Someone who's me.

Entry 54

All right, the mind-slave is heading out. Hot damn, this has been easy so far. Go me!

Entry 55

Fuck my life.

Why? Why the hell did I send the mind slave I randomly pulled from the ocean?

He was probably defective or something. No wonder the last guy didn't want him!

Apparently? The mind-slave and the Pharaoh's brat knew each other. FROM ANOTHER FREAKING CARD GAME TOURNAMENT.

How many of these things does this kid go to?

Ugh. So anyway, the brat managed to break through my mind control with, like, the power of friendship or something, idk, and then my mind slave went all batshit and set the damn warehouse on fire or some shit.

And then he ran out and forgot to grab the puzzle.

Why the hell are my minions so incompetent?

So, now the Pharaoh knows that YET SOMEONE ELSE is after his puzzle.

Makes you wonder how many times this has happened before...

Fuck, I need a drink.

Entry 56

Odion won't let me have alcohol because I'm under Japan's drinking age and apparently we follow laws now.

What. The hell.

I hate Japan.

Entry 57

Went Internet surfing to make myself feel better. Found anime.

I love Japan.

Entry 58

I need to get myself a Japanese dictionary. What's an "uke"?

Entry 59

Oh.

Entry 60

Watched another movie today. I'm trying to build up my knowledge of modern culture, since I'm SIXTEEN YEARS BEHIND, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, DADDY.

This one had something to do with mountains being alive with, like, music? And goats? Singing nuns? Nazis? I dunno, fell asleep halfway through.

According this movie, though, you're supposed to ramble off shit you like when you're sad, and supposedly it makes you feel better.

I'm still feeling a bit down about the whole failed evil plan thing, so I decided to try it.

Let's see:

-Purple capes  
>-Gold jewelry<br>-Eyeliner  
>-Dead seagulls<br>-Beating the Pharaoh  
>-Doritos<br>-Motorcycles  
>-Minions who listen<br>-Ruling over everything  
>-Odion's face when I remind him that he's being bossed around by his little brother<br>-Rocks

... You know, I do feel a little better. The singing nun was right!

Entry 61

Time to pick up the shards of my poor, shattered plan and figure out what to do next. SIGH. Why are beating an ancient Pharaoh and controlling mind-slaves and taking over the world so hard?

I'm starting to get a headache from all this manipulating.

Entry 62

... You hear that splat? That is the sound of the shit hitting the fan.

Fuck me.

STUPID MEDDLING SIBLINGS.

Crazy voice in my head?

THAT'S ME.

Hey, you're back! Why the hell haven't you been bothering me properly?

OH, YOU KNOW. PLANNING WORLD DOMINATION AND SUCH. NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

Well, you could have at least called.

SORRY.

It's all right. Just don't let it happen again.

Anyway, as I was saying:

Fuck me.

More on this later. For now, I'm going to go play Tetris 'til my eyes bleed.

WHATEVER DID YOU DO WITHOUT ME?

That's a great question. I'll let you know the answer after three more levels.

... Maybe four.

Damn.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Heeey, guys. Remember me? OTL Sorry this is so late, but life decided to explode and get it icky gooky life parts all over my favorite leather jacket. So, I've been busy. Also lazy, but mostly busy. Anyway, enjoy reading this laaaaaate and completely relevant *cough filler cough* bit of Malik's diary. Hopefully plot will decide that its vacation is FREAKING OVER ALREADY and decide to come back next chapter. As always, thanks a million times over to _HereWeGoOnceMore _for making my crap worth reading.**

**Disclaimer: All your base are belong to me. But _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ is not. Neither are Doritos. Sosad. =(**

* * *

><p>Entry 63<p>

Note to self— do not leave journal in sock drawer.

It blends in with all the purple.

Entry 64

SOOOOO. Apparently, my stupid older sister and her stupid older-sister meddling powers of psychicness or whatever decided that she was going to waltz on over here and ruin my plan. Because she is a bitch.

Not happy.

Entry 65

Do all older sisters have this inane urge to follow their little brothers around? Is that even normal? I swear, all I ever hear from her these days is, "Malik, stop disgracing our speshal family name!" and "Malik, you can't just go around stealing all-powerful God Cards from sacred tombs!" and "Malik, what the hell did you do with my favorite skirt, if you brought that thing all the way to Japan you're deader than Akhenaten!"

Which is totally impossible, by the way, since you can't be deader than something dead unless you are in a quantum physics experiment involving cats. (And maybe not even then; I didn't pay much attention during my science lessons. I was too busy drawing on myself with markers. This was back when I thought it would be REALLY COOL to get a tattoo. Ha. Ha ha.) DUH, Ishizu.

Anyway, would it kill her just to call and have a normal conversation some time? Sheesh.

Entry 66

To cool my rage of doom, I had one of my Rare-Fucking-Hunters find Yugi Mouto and duel him. Again. Because that worked so well for me last time.

Bad idea.

I think I'll put out an ad in the local paper. "Vilain seeks competent minons: must be able to play card games and pull off purple capes."

Not everyone can do that, you know. It's shocking.

I got to have a nice conversation with Yugi, though. He knows my name now and everything!

... That was probably a stupid thing to tell him, wasn't it?

Yeah.

Entry 67

Went shopping today. Apparently? Walking around in floor-length capes with knives tucked into your belt can get you arrested for "disturbing the peace."

Japan is weird.

Entry 68

I've been getting incredibly depressed lately. I don't know if it's because I lost this damn notebook, or if it's because I opened up a bag of Doritos yesterday that only had six chips in it. Either way, I need a pick-me-up.

Maybe I'll go harass teenygoths at the mall. That's supposed to make people feel better.

I THINK YOU HAVE ISSUES.

No one asked you.

Entry 69

Hehe. 69.

And now I feel like an American teenage stereotype.

Fuck.

(Lol. Fuck.)

(GODDAMMIT.)

Entry 70

I AM TAKING CONTROL OF THIS NOTEBOOK IN ORDER TO INFORM THE WORLD THAT ANYONE WHO THINKS THAT WEARING NINE-HUNDRED POUNDS OF GOLD JEWELRY IN A SHOPPING MALL IS A GOOD IDEA SHOULD BE DRAWN AND QUARTERED. TWICE.

It's not my fault that store had a dumb metal detector. How was I supposed to know?

IT WAS A JEWELRY STORE.

On the plus side, mall security rooms are a lot more comfortable than jail cells.

Ooh, look, a vending machine!

Entry 71

Give me back my dollar, you damn machine!

... Or at least take the other seventy-five cents you're asking for. Sheesh.

Entry 72

Bored now. What's there to do in this dumb place? Besides sit around and try to out-glare the security guards.

NINETY-NINE DUEL MONSTERS CARDS ON THE WALL, NINETY-NINE DUEL MONSTERS CARDS~

Can it, you.

Entry 73

I feel like I should be doing something productive while I'm sitting here being bored out of my mind. Like there was some pressing something-or-other that I was supposed to get done.

THAT'S NICE. WANT TO PLAY HANGMAN?

Eh, sure. I'll figure it out later.

Entry 74

You cheated.

HOW DO YOU CHEAT AT HANGMAN?

I don't know, but you did.

Entry 75

So, three hours later, Odion finally showed up to convince the security that I am in fact a respectable teenager who would never even consider stealing anything from their store, sorry for the inconvenience, blah blah blah.

Then he's all like, "I shouldn't have to lie about this stuff for you, you're lucky I'm bound to serve you for some dumbass reason, nyeh nyeh nyeh."

I don't know why he thinks he had to lie. I am the very epitome of a morally upright citizen. Just because I'm on a revenge quest doesn't mean I'm a common criminal. Jeez. Cut me some slack, yeah?

Oh, and I walked out with three necklaces in my pocket.

Score.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Heeeeey. Hi. Yeah. It's been a while, I'm sorry. : ( I'm so behind in everything, and… gah.**

**Thank you so much for all of your love, though. Your reviews and faves and all that shit? They are the crunchy Doritos in the chip bag of life.**

**(Speaking of life… Malik's is so redundant lately. And I feel like this is lacking something. But I think next chapter should be better, considering who's in it. ;D Also. I totally made a glaring timeline error. Anyone want to try and catch it?)**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

* * *

><p>Entry 76<p>

I'm sorry I haven't written anything lately, but planning world domination is a total bitch.

Also, I totally did not just apologize to a book.

Just so we're clear.

Entry 77

I've decided that shit needs to get done around here. Like, ASAP. Because the (stupidgoddamnmotherfucking) pharaoh is apparently winning locator cards like they're going out of style. Which they kind of are, but whatever.

So, I have dispatched yet another Rare Hunter (number ten, to be exact) out into the world of card-game-related victory. He is very loyal (even if his clowns are creepy as fuck), possibly because I promised to bring back his girlfriend.

Yeah… still need to figure out how I'm gonna do that.

Eh, I'll figure it out later. Jersey Shore is on!

Entry 78

Oh, Snookie. Please accept the fact that your tan will never be real, no matter how many times you spray it on.

So far so good on the whole Rare Hunter thing. I'm checking in during commercial breaks. Thinking of telling the guy to pick me up a bag of chips on his way back to the boat. I'd get them myself, but I can't leave this room because of the bird currently sitting right above the freaking door.

HE JUST WANTS YOUR LOVE.

He can have my love. He can take all of it. Just tell him to get the hell away from me.

Entry 79

Oh, balls. Arcana (Rare Hunter number ten, apparently they have names or someshit) just went down.

Like, way down. Fucking psycho _melt_down.

And I am going to step on Yugi Mouto's head. The impalement of my foot will be worth it.

I think my scream of rage scared away Marshall, though.

Entry 80

That's it, I'm re-stocking on lackeys. Out with the old and in with the new, right? Right.

Time to go slave hunting!

... WOW.

Oh, shut up, it came out wrong.

Entry 81

Scouting for minions is harder than I thought it would be. Doesn't everyone want to be placed under my ultimate control?

… I would.

Entry 82

Taking a break from minion hunting today. I'm starting to get rather depressed. Will I ever complete my revenge? Will victory ever be in my grasp? Will I be destined to wander for all my life, seeking but never finding, hopes and dreams just barely out of reach, brushing the ends of my fingertips?

More importantly, who the hell keeps stealing my chips? Seriously, give them back.

Entry 83

M

MU

MUR

MURD

MURDE

MURDER

You are so creepy sometimes.

MWAHAHA.

Entry 84

Great news! A new Rare Hunter has been acquired! Granted, he's got like, ten piercings, and his eyeliner is thicker than mine, but everyone's got quirks. This time, I will finally defeat Yugi once and for all!

YOU SAID THAT LAST TIME.

So?

AND THE TIME BEFORE THAT.

What's your point?

I'M STARTING TO SEE A BIT OF A PATTERN HERE.

Shut up. It will work this time. I know it!

Entry 85

Dueling time! Whee!

I must admit, I am rather excited. In fact, I even took the boat out, just because I could.

It kind of sucked when it ran out of gas, though.

Yeah….

Entry 86

Fuck.

TOLD YOU SO.

So, duel started out okay. Summoned some cards. Played some Revival Jams. You know how it goes. Played Safe Return. Finally got to summon IGCoD™, AKA, Slifer.

It was fucking CLASSIC.

And then the pharaoh started cheating.

HAHAHAHA. HA. HA.

Shut up.

Oh, Slifer. I miss you already.

I'M ALL ALONE… SO LOST WITHOUT YOU—

This calls for revenge. And snack foods. But mostly revenge.

YOU ARE TOTALLY NOT GOING TO FIT IN THOSE JEANS NEXT WEEK.

Not true. I just bought WiiFit.

Suck it.

Entry 87

Anyway, new plan.

IF YOUR "PLAN" CONSISTS OF WRITING "I HATE THE PHARAOH" ALL OVER DOWNTOWN DOMINO, YOU MIGHT WANT TO RETHINK THAT.

The fact that you live in my mind makes my life so much more difficult, you know? I should start charging rent.

…

That's what I thought.

Entry 88

Time to run a checklist:

Shiny motorcycle? Check.

And that is all I need.

To victory!

DON'T YOU MEAN POTATO CHIPS?

Eh. Same thing.


End file.
